McAllister's Drawings
With the help of her therapist, McAllister uses drawing to help her get in touch with emotions, communicate her experiences, and integrate different aspects of herself.
The Power of Pills: I grapple with the benefits and consequences of antipsychotic medications. They are at once helping keep my mind calmer, but as I see it, also binding me and making me see through antipsychotic pill lenses. In addition, they have awful side-effects.
Alone: I feel all alone in a dark place within a murky world.
Angel Support: An angel swooping in to steady me as I feel like I am spinning out of control.
Noise! I am easily overcome by noise. Here I was in a partial program and I was overwhelmed by sitting in a creative expression group.
Bloody Hell: I try to temper my anger with love and mindfulness.
Die! Drawing in therapy sessions is an outlet for my long-stifled rage.
Paranoia: I went through periods of time when I felt like I was in danger and I didn't trust other people.
Help! I have been silenced. I cannot tell anyone about what is happening inside of me.
Can't hold it: I envision help with holding feelings, thoughts, and memories.
Wave: The purple hand represents spirit protecting me from the looming wave, or overwhelm.
I AM SPECIAL: I reclaim my specialness.
Shame: I envision being free of shame. In the second half of the picture I drew myself amid other people while feeling content. Here the purple color is soothing the shame. Purple represents spirit for me.
Don't leave me! Part of me feels torn apart by people I love leaving. Drawing eases the sting I feel.
Don't fuck with me: I worked on healing some trauma and drew a picture of me protecting myself against perpetrators.
Gretchen: She is approximately 12 years old and a part of me. She is quite paranoid.
Bobo: A young part of me.
10 Year-old: Another part of me. The emptiness and lack of color are due to a trauma I experienced.
Rachel: 15 year old part of me. She is depressed and angry.
Demon: The enraged violent part of me.
Hypochondria: All the illnesses I have believed I have.
Healing hypochondria: I used art to combat anxiety and soothe myself. I am increasingly realizing the power of anxiety to confuse me.
The Evil Inside: I grapple with my inner demon.
Healing the Evil Inside: I transformed the picture The Evil Inside into one of love and healing.
Star Angels: I believed the spirits I thought were trying to help (I called them star angels) were going to take me away. I was terrified.
Star Angels Containing Me: I came to realize spirits (in whatever form) are trying to help, not kill me. I now find the idea of them soothing.
Spirit, Soul, Emotion, Mask: I envisioned layers of myself.
Witnessed: I drew how much better I can see myself when I am witnessed. I am learning how to accurately perceive myself.
You Have to Keep it Together: In a moment of overwhelm with stressors I drew ways to soothe myself.
Internal Battle: I practice saying helpful things to myself.
Frazzled: I always tries to draw how I feel. I often have an easier time drawing than verbalizing. The drawings can be a gateway to conversation and a way for me to share my experiences.
Soothing Hurt and Anger: I use my own ideas of how to express internal distress. The black and red are the despair and rage that came over me. I soothed the feelings with the cool blue color.
Parts: It feels like there are a bunch of parts in my head all vying for the chance to give voice to why they are stuck and why they are not fully integrated into my identity.
Desperate Parts: Sometimes it feels like the parts are flailing about trying to find peace and security.
Holding It together: Containing all the emotions that I experience
Comfort: I am imaging a loving older self comforting a younger part.
Propelled: Sometimes I feel like I am being propelled forward which feels ungrounding.
